Sasha's Secret
by jades113
Summary: New York City isn't as great as Sasha remembers. It's especially terrible because Nathaniel isn't with her. But then she finds herself back in Frell with a huge secret... and while dealing with the secret, she tries NOT to find Nathaniel. PLEASE R&R!
1. Alone

New York City in the night.

There was nothing more beautiful.

I took a deep breath.

Well, this was it.

I was only ten feet from home, from Myra, my houskeeper, from my old life. From television, internet, cell phones, and high school.

I couldn't honestly say that it would be like I never left.

That would be the biggest lie I'd ever uttered in my entire life.

Because everything about me was changed.

I'd left the love of my life behind me - he deserved much better than me, and I'd found a way to change between the two worlds again.

Now I was in my condo's building.

As the elevator rose higher, I could feel my nerves do the same.

My stomach was twisted into a complex arrangement of tight knots.

I felt clammy.

How long had I been gone?

It'd been over two years for me, but had any time passed for New York City?

What would I tell everyone?

My heart's pounding filled my ears and deafened me from any other sound when the elevator doors opened on the 5th floor.

I took a deep breath and stepped into the hallway.

Not much had changed here.

The same painting hung in the same spot over the same ugly chair in the same small section of wider hallway.

I smiled at the familiar sight.

I knew it was a sad smile - for many reasons.

It'd been so long.

The doors were still painted that deep green color that, before, had always made me want to throw up.

Now I thought it was an extremely beautiful and welcoming shade of green.

The same numbers 458 was written in the same golden font as it had always been.

I took all this as a reassurance that no time had passed - maybe I'd been brought back to the night I left.

It'd probably be a little weird that I looked two years older.

It's probably also be a little weird that I was wearing a dress. A very old-fashioned dress.

I touched the cool, golden door knob.

I slid my hand around it, shaping my hand as a sort of shell around it.

I tightened my fist slowly.

I was very nervous.

I turned the knob.

To my relief, it was locked.

I wanted to kick myself.

_Duh! Of course it would be locked!_

Well, I'd long since lost my key, but Myra would open the door for me when I knocked.

I slipped my fingers around the knob and balled them into a fist.

I raised it higher.

I knocked my fist against the door once, really quietly so that no one could hear me.

I took another deep breath.

I'd have to get this over with sooner or later.

I knocked again, this time loud and imposing.

I knocked three times.

Then I waited.

After a few seconds, the doorknob turned.

The door swung open.

A little boy of about seven years was smiling at me expectantly from the doorframe of my condo.

Too late, I remembered the magic book in the carriage on the way to finishing school in Jenn.

Ella's book had shown a newspaper add - a MISSING note - that had been about me.

Ella had said that the book showed present time.

"Who is it, honey?" asked a middle-aged woman's voice from somewhere inside the condo.

I was frozen.

Of course, of course, things had changed.

Time had passed - over two years - here, too.

My parents owned the condo for me right? Or, they _had_ owned the condo for me. For a place to keep me while they traveled the world.

Of course, now that I was out of the way, they would have sold it.

They didn't have a need for it anymore.

It felt like someone punched me in the gut when I thought about something else.

Myra... ? What had they done with Myra?

She'd always been the closest thing to a motherly figure I'd ever known.

Was she fired?

Probably.

That seemed reasonable.

The only problem, was that I didn't know where she lived.

She could have been from out-of-state, and I didn't know.

I'd never cared enough to ask her.

I felt a lump in my throat.

I turned from the cute little boy and walked away quickly.

I passed the elevator.

I sped down the stairs.

One thing I knew for sure, totally and completely: I was alone.

Utterly alone.

**Author's Note: Sorry, I know this is a really short first chapter, but anyway - please review!**


	2. Desolate

**Author's Note: I called this chapter desolate, because I thought it fit totally and completely. Here's a definition from : (Oh, and PLEASE review this chapter!!!)**

**des-o-late**  /**_adj. _**ˈdɛsəlɪt; **_v. _**ˈdɛsəˌleɪt/ [_**adj. **_**des**-_uh_-lit; _**v. **_**des**-_uh_-leyt] **_adjective, verb, -lat⋅ed, -lat⋅ing._**

**_–adjective _**1.barren or laid waste; devastated: _a treeless, desolate landscape. _2.deprived or destitute of inhabitants; deserted; uninhabited.3.solitary; lonely: _a desolate place. _4.having the feeling of being abandoned by friends or by hope; forlorn.5.dreary; dismal; gloomy: _desolate prospects. _

**_–verb (used with object) _**6.to lay waste; devastate.7.to deprive of inhabitants; depopulate.8.to make disconsolate.9.to forsake or abandon.

* * *

**Origin: **  
1325–75; ME L _dēsōlātus_ forsaken, ptp. of _dēsōlāre,_ equiv. to _dē _+ _sōlāre_ to make lonely, deriv. of _sōlus._

**_Related forms:  
_**

**_des-o-late-ly, adverb _**

**_des-o-late-ness, noun _**

**_des-o-lat-er, des-o-la-tor, noun _**

**_Synonyms:  
1. _**ravaged. **_2. _**desert. **_4. _**lonesome, lost; miserable, wretched, woebegone, woeful, inconsolable, cheerless, hopeless. Desolate, disconsolate, forlorn suggest one who is in a sad and wretched condition. The desolate person is deprived of human consolation, relationships, or presence: _desolate and despairing. _The disconsolate person is aware of the efforts of others to console and comfort, but is unable to be relieved or cheered by them: _She remained disconsolate even in the midst of friends. _The forlorn person is lost, deserted, or forsaken by friends: _wretched and forlorn in a strange city. **6. **_ravage, ruin. **_8. _**sadden, depress. **_9. _**desert.

* * *

I dashed out the last door and into the now-pouring rain.

It was almost like the storm was my heart; the thunder an echo of the sobs that shook my body. The rain was the tears streaming down my face. The lightening was the shock - the shock of another unexpected disappointment. It was the pain that went a long with such a shock.

Myra too.

Myra, Mandy, Ella,...

Nathaniel.

I finally lost it.

I couldn't contain my tears, my screams, my crying anymore. My breathing wasn't breathing - it was wild gasping. I was gasping as I would if I were drowning and my nose was barely above the choppy surface. I was drowning in an ocean. A rip tide was pulling me under. The waves were crushing me from above.

I was running - running nowhere in particular, running just to run in the dark of the night and pouring rain.

The thunder was a constant rumble and the lightening lit up the sky for minutes at a time (There was so much of it so close together).

And then the wind.

And the chill.

Nathaniel.

_Nathaniel!_

I screamed my agony to the world, and no one heard me over the howling wind.

The chill, the wind, the storm reflected _exactly_ how I felt.

The wind was my change in thoughts, the bone-deep chill was how cold I felt inside.

I started to scream Nathaniel's name.

Over and over, new pain each time.

I was submerged in acid now. It was eating away at my insides, and burning with agonistic speed.

New York's structures should have blocked the wind - so it must have been very strong, because it whirled my sopping-wet hair around my face so that I couldn't see anything.

I could feel the cold seeping through me until it found my bones and was able to freeze me from the inside out.

Nathaniel!

I moaned.

It was torture - to know that I was never going to see him again, no matter how much I wanted to.

I_ couldn't_ go back.

Before, I'd thought I would be able to do this. To be separated from him for his sake. I'd left for him. I had done it.

Now I wished with all my heart that I could reverse it.

But I couldn't.

It was getting hard to breath.

_Selfish pig!_ something in my subconcious mind shouted at me, _you're being selfish! _

I laughed.

I screamed.

I did both at the same time.

I wanted to be selfish.

There was nothing I wanted more than to be selfish.

I wanted to be the most selfish being that ever exsisted in any world.

I didn't care.

I didn't care about anything.

I just wanted to be selfish.

_Was that too much to ask_???

Why couldn't I be selfish?!?

I couldn't.

Not the way I wanted to be.

I couldn't.

I'd _never_ see Nathaniel again.

Never.

Ever.

I started to choke.

I'd been breathing in and out so fast that now there was a bubble in chest - a bubble that had the air I needed, a bubble that wouldn't pop.

I tripped over something and didn't bother to get up again.

I barely noticed the sting where I'd skinned myself, didn't register the blood.

Maybe it'd be for the best if I never got up and no one ever found me.

Nobody cared if I lived or died.

Not one soul.

I didn't even deserve their care.

I deserved to die.

I _should_ die.

I _could_ die...

...or I could be selfish.

I couldn't be selfish like I wanted to be, but I still _could_ be - in other ways.

I could find my parents and be a burden on them again. That was selfish. They didn't want or deserve me around, taking up money and time.

I could find Myra and be a burden on her. But that would be too selfish. What had she done to deserve a monster like me in her life? She'd just gotten rid of me.

I half-laughed, half-screamed again.

I was a selfish being.

I _wanted_ to be.

Why should I care about what happened to other people because of me?

Hadn't I done enough?

I'd permanatly separated myself from Nathaniel and now I could never go back, and it would all benefit him.

I was out of his life now.

A very tiny voice in my head wondered if he missed me.

I squashed it out angrily.

Of course he wouldn't.

He _shouldn't_.

If he did, it would be my fault.

I could go to Myra.

I could be the selfish person I wanted so desperately to be.

...almost.

But I didn't want to.

I wanted to be the height of selfishness and see Nathaniel.

I wanted to be with him _forever_.

That's the way I wanted to be selfish.

But I couldn't.

He was beyond my reach.

He was gone.

And now I had no one.

My chest throbbed painfully, whether from lack of air or lack of Nathaniel, I couldn't be sure.

I felt my conciousness ebb, felt the pull and darkness tug on the corners of my hazy vision.

I welcomed it.

It was painless.

I dove into it gladly and felt it overcome me felt it envelope and engulf me.

I was grateful for it.

I didn't want to think, didn't want to feel anymore.

I was last aware of feeling the deep, comforting blackness starting to stomp out the small light that was all that remained of my conciousness...


	3. The Plan

I was first aware of the sound of sirens blaring in the distance.

Next I heard the _whoosh_ing of passing cars.

Then I realized that I was sore.

Very sore.

My shoulders ached.

My head throbbed.

Every part of me was hurting.

I groaned and turned over.

Instead of hitting a smooth soft bed, I slammed into something hard.

I sat up fast and opened my eyes.

I was sitting in a narrow crevice between two tall brick buildings.

I was filthy and exhausted and pained.

I examined myself.

I had obviously skinned myself when I'd tripped last night and hit the filthy cement that was now my perch.

I was bruised all over and I could feel the dirty tear-tracks on my face.

I sighed.

Last night I'd totally lost every ounce of my control.

I couldn't let that happen again.

I was here, now, and there was nothing I could do to change that.

I wouldn't even let myself think of the non-existant other option.

No, actually, I would.

I would act like - like - like Nathaniel had died.

It felt like my chest folded up after I thought that.

No, like it was folded up and being pounded on with a hot iron and spuashed between two three-ton weights.

So that wouldn't happen.

I couldn't be _that_ cruel to myself.

Even _if_ I probably deserved it.

Which I did.

But I would just have to live with the truth, then. He was existing in some other place. He was happy. He was euphoric. Exstatic. Jubilant.

Yes.

I'd have to believe that.

It'd have to be enough.

It was good that I'd left.

It was the best thing I could have ever done for him.

He deserved so much better than me.

I sighed again.

Now, thinking of Nathaniel, I felt very, very tired, and very, very old.

It was a weird way to feel.

At the same time, I felt empty, hollow.

From now on, Nathaniel would have to be my dearest memory, my sweetest dream.

I'd have to remember him - and cherish that memory. I'd have to be thankful for the time I'd gotten with him.

Even_ if_ it had cost him, now that I was here where I couldn't cause him any more harm, he could afford for me to miss him - and to love him in my heart, right?

It couldn't possibly hurt him for me to remember him with happiness, for me to imagine myself at his side, could it? There was no way I'd ever see him again - it was only me I'd scar deeper. That didn't matter. As long as I couldn't hurt _him_ anymore, I could hurt myself.

Well, I couldn't just sit here forever.

I stood up.

I had to clean the scrapes that marked up my legs and arms.

They burned dully.

I didn't want them to get infected.

So I stepped out from the crevice and onto the crowded sidewalk.

Where should I go first? I supposed I could probably get ahold of Gabby, to see if she knew where Myra lived, or how to get ahold of my parents, or just to stay with her for awhile.

Then a scary thought hit me. When I'd left, I'd been a junior in high school. At least two years had passed, if not more. That meant that Gabbrielle LaClaunte might be in college. I'd never discussed that with her, I didn't know if she'd planned on going to college. Maybe she hadn't and had changed her mind.

I felt more alone than ever before.

Absolutely everyone was gone.

I also had no idea what the date was.

It could have been June or December - I had no clue.

I didn't feel cold.

I didn't feel hot either.

So that meant that it probably wasn't December, January, or February.

It could just be a warm winter day or a cold summer day.

I sighed. Would life for me ever go back to the way it was before I went to Frell?

I started to wander the streets.

This was a part of New York City that I'd always loved - the crowds. People everywhere, blending in, nobody looking at you. Nobody cared about what you were doing or who you were with. Nobody cared what you wore.

I was still wearing a _very_ Kyrrian middle-class dress, and nobody even looked at me. So I should have been grateful. I should have been happy for the old perk I'd loved, even without a real reason to love it.

I should have.

But I didn't.

In Yond, the small village where I'd lived, if I'd shown up wearing a bikini or alien suit, everybody would have stared. There would have been gossip. Curious people would have tried everything to get the story out of me. I would have never been able to get anywhere.

The absence of stares made my heart ache again.

It made me miss Kyrria even more.

_Stop that!_ I told myself. Ugh! I needed to stop! I was _not_ going to mope about my desicion anymore. I was going to be _happy_ about it. Well, I was going to _try_ to be happy about it. And I was going to treasure it - not miss it.

I stepped into a phone booth.

Despite my unhappiness, I felt a smile tug at the edges of my lips. It'd been so long since I'd seen a telephone. I'd almost forgotten how to use them. It looked so odd to me, that the fact that it looked odd was weird.

I had no idea what Gabby's phone number was anymore.

I looked at the thick directory underneath the phone.

I flipped the L's until I found the LaClauntes.

There were seven listings in New York City.

I took a deep breath. What was I going to say? How was I going to explain my absence?

I could lie and say I was kidnapped or I ran away or something - but I didn't want someone to get convicted falsly of kidnapping and I would probably get caught in something I said or something and they'd know it wasn't true anyway. I probably couldn't say I ran away because then I'd get into trouble or people would want to know where I'd been and that would be all complicated and unpleasant.

I could say that I didn't know - actually, that could work.

I could say that I'd waken up this morning in a crevice between to tall brick buildings... that much would be true. I could say that I don't know how I got there - that'd be true too, to a certain extent. I didn't know how the whole magic-thing worked. I would say that I don't remember anything of the last two years - I'd just gotten lost and then mugged (-true) and then, um, say, I was just walking and I didn't remember anything until that morning. That would be - relatively believable. It would have a lot of truth mixed in with it.

Yeah. That's the story I would stick with.

I felt relieved. Finally I'd come up with something to explain a two-year's absence.

I dialed the number for Antoine and Claire.

I held the phone to my ear.

It felt extremely akward, but I was glad that I rememberd how to use the phone.

I heard the phone ring once. Twice. Three times. What would happen if they weren't there? What was I going to say?

"Hello?"

I smiled. I knew that voice. It'd changed a little, but not much.

It had gotten a little bit deeper and it sounded sleepy.

But it was still the same voice.

Gabby.


	4. Reunion

Well, this was another shot at acting - something I'd always wanted to do as a career.

I cleared my throat.

I tried to make my voice sound frightened.

"Gabby?" I let my voice shake a little and get higher. I spoke fast, slurring the words together, "Gabby, is that you? I don't know what's going on! I was just texting you - last night - ? - and then I got lost and then there was the guy and he took my stuff and then I was just walking and I just woke up and I'm still lost, I've got no idea where I am and - and," I paused, gasping, and making it sound like I was about to get hysteric or hyperventilate (That wasn't that hard, considering the hysterics I'd gone through last night), "-and I don't what happened! I'm sore and achy and bruised and bleeding - it's like I was thrown onto the cement where I woke up! Gabby! I don't know what's happening!" I paused, "Gabby?" There was still no answer, "Gabby! Gabby, are you there?!?" I tried to sound panicked.

"Yes..." I barely made out the whisper. The whisper shook. It said nothing else.

"Well - listen - I - Gabby! you'll never believe _this_ either! I didn't mention - I went home - I found my way there and some little boy answered! Gabby, I'm really freaking out! I ran away and that's why I'm lost again, I'm on - on - " I peered at the street sign, "E 1st Street. Gabby, do you think you could pick me up? Please? I need somewhere to go someone to talk to - I _need_ to figure out what happened!"

"I - I - " said Gabby. It sounded like she was choking, "_Sasha_?"

I let my voice sound immensly relived, "_Yes_!"

"You - you're - I mean - I thought - but - no - you - oh! - I - you..." the whispered murmers sounded breathless.

"_What?"_

"You - you're alive."

"Yeah. _Duh_!"

"Where are you?" she was still whispering.

"E 1st Street. Between S 1st Avenue and S 2nd Street. It's not that far from my - my - where I _thought_ my house _was_."

"I'll be right there. Don't move. If this is a joke-"

"A joke? A _JOKE_!?! Are you _kidding_ me?" I swore.

This was the farthest thing from my mind. Why would she think it was a joke? Oh. I guess she probably thought that I'd been dead for the last two years or tortured or something.

The phone went dead. I hung it up.

I was glad that was over.

Hopefully Gabby could help me; she'd always been my best friend.

I'd really missed her while I was in - Kyrria. I was not going to think about anyplace or people in particular in Kyrria. Not right now. I might not me strong enough not to lose it again. Of course, that might be better. I could make it look like I was freaking about not knowing anything - when I was really freaking about - other stuff.

So maybe I would.

I stepped out of the phone booth and leaned against it.

I slid down the side until I was sitting on the ground.

I put my face in my hands.

This was it.

No turning back now.

Of course, there was no turning back ten minutes ago either.

The call just made it seem more - final. So, I couldn't hold back a few more tears. I didn't sob, they just spilled over the edges of my watering eyes. I couldn't hold them in.

After a few minutes, I was close to sobbing - and I could _not_ afford to lose it again!

So I lifted my head up and I watched the passing traffic. A green truck, a silver car, a blue station-wagon a rusty pick-up truck, a red convertable...

The convertable was driving very slowly.

A blonde girl that looked about my age was examining the people on the street.

Her eyes moved slowly from one person to the next.

Finally her eyes got to me.

The car stopped.

She stared at me.

The car pulled over.

Her hair was an impossible blonde and it made her look very different from what I'd been expecting.

She hesitated and then got out of the car.

She started to walk towards me, but stopped when she got to the front of her hood.

She wore designer jeans with an expensive-looking T-shirt. She had loops in her ears and rings on every finger. She was wearing flip-flops. Her hair was pulled up into a messy-bun. She had bangs now. The expression on her face was disbelieving. Unsure. Intrigued. Curious. And... (was it possible?) a little angry.

I jumped up.

"_Gabby_?!?"

She jumped.

She cleared her throat.

"_Sasha?"_ Her voice was a weak whisper still.

"Yeah! What - your hair! Wow! When did you do that?"

She stared at me in disbelief.

"Oh. Um, I dunno," She shook her head, "How - what_ happened_ to you? Where have you _been_?" She wasn't whispering anymore, but she was talking very quietly. Almost like she was scared that I would fade away or disappear.

I bit back a smile.

Instead, I let the image of Nathaniel flash in front of my eyes. The action triggered the response that I knew it would; fresh tears started running down my cheeks again.

"Sasha!" She said. She shook her head, "I can't believe it. It can't be true. But - you're here!"

"What you mean? Of course I'm here."

Suddenly a bright smile lit up her face.

"Sasha! It's really you! You're really here!"

"Yeah..."

The next thing I knew, she was hugging me.


	5. Embarrass

"So you really don't know what happened to you?" Gabby asked me for the gazilleonth time.

I sighed.

"Nope."

"And you're absolutely sure you don't want me to call the police?" she was still disbelieving even though I'd told her why over and over and over again. You'd think she'd get the message.

"One hundred percent sure. I told you. I do _not_want unwanted attention. I don't want to be a news story. Nobody did anything to me - I'm absolutely fine. I don't know anything. I'd rather not be interigated by the FBI or whatever they do. And most of all, I do _**NOT**_ want my parents to find out that I'm still here. I'd just be a bigger burden on them. I'll get a place of my own or something."

I frowned, "And are _you_ sure that it's really been two years?"

She nodded.

I sighed. Again.

"Ugh. This seems like a dream or soap oprah. Next thing I know, I'll be getting cancer or something."

She laughed.

"Here, try this one," she threw a pair of designer jeans at me, "They're the longest and tightest ones I have. Man, you really lost a lot of weight. You're all skin and bones. Seriously. You could probably count every one of your ribs."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically. What was I supposed to say? That I was transported to a world that didn't exactly contain my favorite food? Gabby was what most people would consider super-skinny, almost to the point of anorexia, and for her to call me too skinny was not a very good thing.

I peered at myself in the full-length mirror on Gabby's bedroom door again. I hadn't realized that I was so hideoulsy bony. I looked gaunt; my appearance reflected exactly how I felt on the inside. I looked almost hallow.

I touched my face. It was sunken in, my bones were jutting out in odd places. It was almost like the spirit and well-being of me was sinking into my heart. My heart was eating away at my insides because it had run out of love to keep it content.

I sighed for the thousandth time today. I'd have to keep my desolatlessness to myself.

I smiled then and turned to back to Gabby with false cheerfulness displayed on my face. She was fooled.

"So what now?" I asked.

"Well... I don't know. Maybe..."

"What?"

She seemed to be deliberating something. She appeared to think better of it.

"Um - what are you going to do now?"

Maybe I'd misinterpreted the look on her face.

"I don't know. I said I might get a place of my own and I meant it. I'll get a job somewhere."

She looked taken aback.

"Get a _job_?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"How are you going to do that?"

"What's stopping me?"

I was failing to see what she was making a big deal out of.

"You don't even have your high school diploma!"

Oh. Yeah. Dang. I'd forgotten that little detail.

My face must have betrayed my thoughts.

Gabby smirked.

"See? What are you going to do? Go back to high school? You can't do that without the police or whoever finding out. I think being a story is inevitable for you."

I was NOT going to be a news story. I wouldn't be able to take that on top of everything else! And why did Gabby seem so _smug_? Did she _want_ me to be a news story?

She laughed, "Geez, Sasha, you never used to keep your thoughts to yourself so much," she sobered, "Seriously. You've changed. A lot."

I rolled my eyes. True, I used to speak my mind a lot, but I had gained better control after all I'd been through.

She still was looking at me strangely.

"_What_? Spit it out all ready! I _know_ you've been wanting to say something all day! Out with it!"

"You - you're not... nobody - you're not lying, are you?"

"What?" I could hear the sharpness of my tone. How could she tell? Wait, "Lying about what?" I asked.

"You know..." she still seemed hesitant, "...about not remembering anything."

I gasped involuntarily. How did she know? _What_ did she know?

"Of course I'm not! Why in the world would you think that?" I demanded.

"It's just... no one _hurt_ you did they? You're not lying to cover that up?"

Oh... I couldn't suppress a loud giggle. Gabby probably thought I was insane. I coudln't help it. I was _so_ instantaneously relieved.

"No! No... I'd remember that! And I'd tell you anyway! We've always been best friends. We've always told each other everything!"

But I wasn't so sure. I definitely wasn't telling her everything. I think she could sense that.

But she seemed complacent.

"Of course."

* * *

I sighed. It seemed like I did that a lot lately.

I was obviously an embarrassment to Gabby. She resented me - and tried to hide it. I didn't know what I'd done wrong. I'd excepted her chairity and have been living with her for a month now. Actually, I knew exactly what was wrong. She'd been right; I had so far been unable to get a job. After all, I was a high school drop-out. Nobody wanted to hire me. I'd never had a job before. At least, not one I could use as references. I think I knew, deep down, what embarrassed her. But I didn't want to believe it. The thing was, I knew that if our roles had been reversed, and I'd been the one to stay in New York City, I'd have been embarrassed by her too.

I mean, for one thing, I hadn't been able to gain back _any_ of the weight I'd lost, no matter how much I forced down my throat. I couldn't get rid of that gaunt look. I was hideous.

Secondly, I was more old-fashioned than most people. Here I thought I'd managed to keep my individuality the whole time I was in Kyrria. Apparently not. Even my clothes choices where relatively old-fashioned.

Thirdly, I'm a freak. There was no getting around it.

Fourthly, she won't get over my new aversion to popularity. Even if it meant being a news story.

Fifly, the other day, she made fun of the show The Biggest Loser. Well, she made fun of the contestants.

I didn't like it.

I had protested. Before Kyrria, I'd have laughed along with her. Now I was able to sympathize with them.

But I knew I had to leave.


	6. The Telling Of It All

I swept the broom across the wooden floors of Myra's tiny kitchen floor, reliving how I'd come to be here.

I'd already been planning on leaving, but Gabby finalized my decision. We had always stood up for each other. No matter what. That had changed, apparently. We were at a mall. A bunch of jerks started jeering at me and my boniness, making fun of an old-fashioned sentance I'd uttered. I don't even remember what it was anymore. Anyway, I'd said something back, and Gabby hadn't backed me up. They were better at comebacks then me. Then, to top it off, Gabby laughed at something one of them said. She _laughe_d. At me. Then she called me a freak.

I'd been too stunned and disbelieving to say anything. So I'd left. Just walked out. I couldn't let her see my distress; I'd thought her the one person I'd had left. Now I was mad.

Anyway, I'd went to a library. I'd googled Myra without hope of success. I'd been surprised. Apparently, she placed online adds for her work on there. So I'd known her address.

I went there.

She answered the door.

I'd run into her arms and started bawling.

She hadn't known who I was. She'd gently held me away from her. That had only made me cry harder.

I'd had to cry out, "It's me! It's Sasha! Don't you know me?" before her eyes had widened, her face had paled, and she'd pulled me close.

I think she'd started to cry too.

She didn't ask anything, at first. She'd let me into her house, and had sat me down on a poofy couch. She let me cry until I was cried out. Then she let me into her kitchen and sat me on a stool at her kitchen counter.

I glanced at that very counter, and remembered.

She'd sat on the other stool.

Waiting.

Waiting for me to say something. To explain. And I'd wanted to explain. Desperately. I'd wanted to tell somebody everything, so they could understand. But nobody would have believed me. They would have locked me up in an insane assylum.

Then, suddenly, I'd stopped caring.

I'd told her about my insane assylum theory, and she'd almost smiled.

"Try me," she'd said.

So I had.

I'd told her everything, and she hadn't interrrupted once.

I'd told her how I'd gotten off the bus like any other day, how I'd caughten caught up in texting and ended up getting lost. I'd told her about being robbed, I'd told her about slipping into the little ally. I'd told her about my mysterious trip and ending up where I did. I'd told her about thinking I'd lost my mind. About meeting Mandy. Meeting Ella. Hattie. Olive. Dame Olga. Going to finishing school. Finding out that Ella always had to obey. Meeting Nathaniel in the garden. Sneaking out every night. Ella's leaving. My going with her. Going to the wedding. Finding someone who might've been able to help me get home. Running away in disappointment. Finding Nathaniel as he was about to get devoured by wild animals. (Close enough.) Saving him somehow, and him kissing me. Getting a job in Yond. I told her absolutely everything. Well, I hadn't told her about the knomes and fairies and ogres - that much would have been _way_ to weird for her. I'd made them sound like something else. I'd told her about going home, and Gabby. I'd cried a lot, which was a surprise. I hadn't been aware that I'd had any more tears left in me.

"So I can't let anyone find out I'm back," I'd told her, "They would lock me up in an insane assylum."

It was true too. But Myra had laughed, "D'you know that people who are insane don' know they're insane? That would mean, since you considered that possibility, you're not."

I'd been relieved.

Myra hadn't pretended to understand what had happened to me, but she'd been very sympathetic. More so then I could have imagined. She told me that she knew how I felt about losing Nathaniel. She'd lost her husband four years ago. I'd felt terrible. All the time I'd known her, I hadn't known that.

But she wouldn't take my guilt. She told me that my leaving Nathaniel had been very stupid. I'd been shocked.

"Honey, aint nobody that's perfect. We all make mistakes._ I've_ made plenty. You'll make plenny more. Ev'rbody does. And don't you go thinkin' you aint worth nothin'. You're like another daughter to me, you know."

"A terrible, rude, selfish-"

"Nope. And don't you talk like that!" She'd seemed frustrated, "What happened to all that self-confidence you used to have? That Nathaniel would be lucky to have you. Heck, _he_ don' deserve _you_."

"What?!? How - in this entire universe - did you even come _by_ that rediculous notion?"

She'd laughed, "You _do_ sound sorta old-fashioned, honey. But seriously. This bum Nathaniel comes along and causes you all this stress-"

But I hadn't let her finish. We'd argued for a while, and then her youngest daugher, Nia, (The only one still living at home - she was seventeen) had come in. She'd just finished her softball practice. It had been 7:30. Myra had made me dinner (I'd helped) and, of course, she hadn't let me just go find somewhere to stay. She hadn't let me leave. I'd stayed in Nia's room.

I've been sleeping there for several months now.

**Author's Note: Okay, I know this is sort of a short chapter, and I know that it's not really moving very fast, but she goes back to Kyrria in the next chapter, and so I had to quit here.** **Please review!!!**


	7. Pathetically Driven To Imagining

**Author's Note: Sorry, I know I've strayed from my original plan for this fanfic... **

I swept the broom across the floor again. Life was a lot better here than I thought it could be. I guess, several months ago, I'd thought that all happiness in my life was extinguished forever. I still would have rather been with Nathaniel-

_Heck, _he_ don' deserve _you_..._

I'd tried as hard as I could not to let that into my brain, but everytime his name crossed my mind, those two sentences popped into my head, and wouldn't leave.

_Nathaniel comes along and causes you all this stress..._

But that was ridiculous._ He_ hadn't caused all the stress. I did. Over him, yes, but it was for him... so yeah, because of him, but it was my fault!

Ugh! I was so confused! None of my thoughts could make it make sense.

I set the broom down and closed my eyes. I pressed my fingers to my temples and groaned. There was no point in even _thinking about_ thinking about it.

To comfort myself, I thought I'd think of Nathaniel. Not about my actions concerning him, but just _him_. I would picture him. Maybe then I could forget about reasonings and sense and everything that had happened. I could pretend that he was with me, and I would feel good. Better. Whole. Complete.

So I let myself imagine him. He had that shaggy brown hair and - and -

Panic gripped me.

_I couldn't remember him._

I could remember his his hair, his height, his strength, his personality traits, but _I couldn't remember his face_. I couldn't remember!

My eyes were burning.

I couldn't forget!

He was my dearest memory, my sweetest dream - and I'd never forget him!

I would _make_ myself remember! I would _make_ myself think of him every day! I would _not_ forget him!

I took a deep breath. I was going to remember every detail of his face.

I started with his feet. I pictured them in the average shoes of an average Kyrrian. I smiled. Then I "zoomed out", so to speak, and viewed his entire person. I could see muscles on his chest through his billowy white shirt, see his strong, manly hands. The one thing I couldn't see clearly was his face. It was blurry, foggy.

Ignoring the ache in my chest, I let my eyes roam over the fuzz. To my surprise and utter delight, wherever my eyes focused suddenly came into brilliant clarity. It was clearer than it would be if he were standing in front of me. My eyes traced every wave of his hair, highlighting every twist, every minute hair on his head.

I wasn't even sad. Actually, I was euphoric.

On his face was a half-delighted, half-amazed look. There was also a touch of I-don't-believe-it present.

With newly found vigor, I started to trace the smallest particles of his face.

Then I heard his amazed and delighted laugh.

I stopped.

I could hear it so perfectly clearly... and I loved it. It made me wish that he looked that amazed because he could see me; he was laughing in the delight of my being near him again.

And that brought me back to the fact that I'd never see him again. He'd never laugh like that over me. He was gone to me. Forever.

And Nathaniel dissolved.

I broke down.

_Stop it!_ I yelled at myself. Seriously! I was so pathetic! Moping, crying, aching, getting hysteric! Pathetic! I was going to stop! Nathaniel was_ NOT_ mine! I would have to just learn to _DEAL WITH IT!_!! I would never get over him, but he was happy! That should be enough for _me_ to be relatively happy! It would have to be enough! I would force myself to remember him, to picture him once a day, to cherish him, but I would NOT be so depressed! I was absolutely pathetic! And, since I couldn't picture him today without giving in to my pathetic-ness, I would just have to picture Kyrria!

So I closed my eyes tightly.

I imagined myself standing in nothingness, in uttter darkness.

A streak of light, like the trail of a shooting star, shot out from my heart and went forward for at least two feet before it instantly expanded. The light became sunlight. I imagined the great, grassy plains separating Frell from the forest.

The picture continued to grow and wrapped itself around me.

The last of the darkness was squashed out.

I opened my eyes. It was all still there, but now the ghost of Myra's kitchen shown through the tall grasses.

All this had happened in less than two seconds.

I imagined myself runnning a few steps through the grass. I dove onto the ground and grabbed at the grass.

I laughed.

It felt so good to laugh.

I dragged a few of the long green blades to my face. I breathed in deeply. I imagined the scent of the grass. It smelled so good!

I rolled around in it and felt better than I have in a long time.

I was even smiling.


	8. Realization

I hadn't smiled in forever.

I felt at home.

Ella! Ella should be here too! She was like a sister to me, after all. She was safe to imagine.

I stopped rolling and propped myself up on my elbows.

I took a deep breath.

I imagined the grass rustling a few feet from my head.

A pair of old-fashioned clear, glass shoes weighed the grass down.

I peered into them.

They were empty.

I imagined a flesh-colored liquid filling the shoes. It swirled around and, near the tip of the shoes, It began to cool and harden into shapes resembling toes. The feet and shoes were very tiny.

I imagined myself leaning backward.

I watched as two feet formed slowly in the shoes. I imagined the process being sped up and the feet-liquid (that by then only skimmed the surface) spilling over and forming ankles shooting up from the shoes when they were instantly covered by a ring of flowing, deep blue fabric. The fabric sewed more of itself to itself. That is to say, I watched a dress and it's occupant form before my eyes. I watched the thread appear apparently out of thin air. I watched pale arms shoot out from pretty sleeves. I watched the ends of the arms split and fray into fingers and hands.

I watched a neck sprout from a pretty collar and the end grow into a dainty, frail jaw.

I watched the rest of Ella's head appear, and I watched her hair sprout from her scalp. I watched a look of confusion and wonder cross her features.

I'd modeled the dress off of the one Dmetri buys Anastasia in the movie, but in a deeper blue. It fit her perfectly; she looked great.

"_Sasha_?!" I imagined her asking incredeously. Amazing! My imagination was so vivid that I could hear Ella's voice as if she really was here.

I imagined myself beaming. It felt so good to see her again! I wanted to hug her.

"Yup! Did you miss me?" I asked, and laughed.

She still looked confused and unsure but she answered, quietly, "...yes."

She looked down at her dress and swirled the skirt.

She stuck her shoes out and glanced at me suspiciously.

She even examined her skin, as if she'd never seen it before.

"Where... where are we?" she asked tentatively.

I laughed again, and got to my feet.

"In my imaginary Frell!"

"Imaginary?"

"Yeah!"

She looked down again, "I suppose that that would make sense."

I laughed. I just couldn't stop! It felt so good, I felt giddy, "Really? How so?"

"Well... I've never seen this dress before. I'm so _clean_! Perhaps I _am_ dreaming! I must be! But my shoes... if this is some odd dream, how did you know about them?"

I laughed. Again, "Who knows? I just _felt_ like making glass slippers. And of course you're clean! Why wouldn't you be?"

She looked at me and scrunched her face.

"Sasha, I - this_ feels_ real. Really real. Are you _sure_ you're imagining this?"

I felt my smile freeze.

"Of course." Of course. Absolutely. Of course. It was. It had to be. But - no. No! It didn't feel real! It couldn't!

_Myra's kitchen, Myra's kitchen, myra's kitchen myra's kitchen myras kitchen myraskitchenmyraskitchenmyraskitchenmyraskitchenmyraskitchen..._

I'd begun to chant it. But Frell wasn't melting away. Neither was Ella.

_MYRASKITCHENMYRASKITCHENMYRASKITCHENMYRASKITCHENMYRASKITCHEN!!!!!!_

I was screaming internally, and beginning to panic. Of course this was imaginary! It had to be! How could it not be? Mandy had said that there was no going back, that I'd be stuck in New York! So... so...

I realized that I wasn't just_ imagining_ my eyes being open. They really were.

My breathing sped up.

I could feel the horror begining to weigh me down and crush me.

_No! NO! NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!_

I would ruin Nathaniel's life!

I wasn't strong enough to stay away from him, not if there was any way at all that I could find him! I'd cave! I'd ruin him!

I felt my eyes water. Frell became watery.

_Why?_ Why couldn't I just enjoy my imagination! _Why_ did it have to be TRUE?!?!

I didn't want to be here!

Well - yes, I wanted to be here, but I didn't want to because of what it would mean to Nathaniel, to Ella, to everyone I crossed paths with!

I _couldn't_ be here!

I sniffed.

"Sasha?" Ella asked softly.

I blinked, and before any tears spilled over, I wiped my eyes with my sleeve.

"Sasha?" Ella asked again. It was more a murmer, actually.

I let my eyes refocus. I'd had enough of crying. I was _not_ going to go back down that road. No matter what happened.

"Y-yeah," I whispered. My voice shook. I felt dizzy. My head spun, and I vaguey felt myself falling the other way. I felt so dizzy that it was as if I wasn't in my body anymore. I was barely aware of my head hitting the grass. Black spots began to impair my vision.

"Sasha!" Ella's voice was louder now, and stronger. I saw her face swim in front of my own.

But I couldn't answer. I was in a daze.

**Author's Note: Okay, this is the VERY END of the depressed attitude. (I'm 88% positve.) Sorry, I know I've strayed from the original intended story line, but don't worry, I know where I'm going! Please review, and sorry about the time between updates! I promise that if you review I'll update faster! Thanks! ~Jade**


	9. OutOfFocus

**Author's Note: Thanks for the supportive reviews! It's great to know that you like this!!! :D**

No.

It couldn't be.

I wouldn't _let_ it be.

_How_?

_How_ could it be even _possible_?

Despite my qualms, I felt a deep sense of hope and joy rising somewhere in my heart.

At the same time, I felt terrible for that feeling and I tried to mentally stomp it out.

Tried, and failed.

_Nathaniel is here. I'm here. We could - _

NO! No. We. Couldn't!

For Nathaniel's sake, I had to stay away.

But I wasn't a strong person.

What if I caved?

What if I caved and went back to find him? What if, doing that, I found him? What if he had already forgotten me? What if he'd gotten married to some other girl?

Even though I loved him and I wanted what was best for him, even though I knew that this was all the better for him, I couldn't help the feeling of dread. I couldn't help my heart speeding up and my breath coming faster.

If I allowed myself to even consider _thinking_ that what Mandy had said about my not-being selfish by coming back to New York in the first place, then I would start to hope that I could be worthy of Nathaniel.

Even if, (ignoring my past selfish ways) I could be good enough for him, my coming here made being with him impossible. If he fell in love with me as much as I was in love with him, maybe we'd get married.

I knew where my anecdote was going, but I couldn't help feeling elated.

We could both get jobs again and move in together, this time as husband and wife.

(My heart felt warmer than it had in a long time and I felt the corners of my mouth turn up.)

We could have kids. I'd never liked kids, but Nathaniel's kids were a different story. I'd love _those_kids. I'd want more. A house-full.

(My heart was so warm it was likely to blow up at any given time.)

_But!_I threw at myself. We'd end almost living happily ever after. We'd come so close! We'd have a housefull of kids and Nathaniel would be a great father, BUT, _I would leave_. Not intentionally, but I would leave. I would end up back in New York City. It was inevitable. This thing, this transportation between two worlds, it was unpredictable. I couldn't control it. It snuck up on me when I was least expecting it. It never came when I wanted it.

I would leave the Nathaniel that was in love with me. I would break his heart, just as I broke my own over him.

I would leave my kids, my kids that I would love, my kids that would love me. I'd dissappear without a trace, possibly never to see them again. And that wouldn't be just a selfish thing to do. It would be an utterly _cruel_ thing to do.

I couldn't leave innocent children without a mother. I wasn't _that_ heartless.

So what would I do? Lock myself up somewhere until I mysteriously ended up back in New York or I died?

"Sasha! Please! Answer!"

I blinked and let my eyes refocus. Ella was peering anxiously at me.

"Sorry," I said, "I'm fine. I'm fine - I just -" Ella should probably leave. I should probably stay away from her. For her sake.

"What? Sasha, how did you come to be here? How am _I_ here? One moment I was on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor with bleeding hands in a disgusting old gown and now here I am in a beautiful, clean gown without even scabs on my hands and my muscles aren't aching and I don't know-"

She cut off and looked back at me.

I sat up. My heart protested furiously to what Ella was proposing.

"_What_? What do you mean? Why were you scrubbing anything? Ella, what happened to you?"

She bit her lip.

"It's my father. He - he got remarried."

I knew that. He was remarried to Hattie's mom, wasn't it? I didn't really remember Sir Peter but he couldn't be so bad that he'd leave Ella to Hattie's slaving, could he?

My confusion must have been evident on my face, because Ella smiled a little.

"Lucinda made Dame Olga and my father love each other - and so my father loves her from a distance and rarely comes home. Hattie told Dame Olga about the curse and so-"

"No. No way!" How low. How _ridiculously_ low.

"-yes," she answered tentatively.

At least this wasn't my fault.

My heart felt hot now, and my blood boiled. I was angry. I hadn't felt any emotion other than dispair in so long that my anger felt good, somehow.

I was shaking with anger. I cared about Ella and what happened to her. And I'd always sympathized with her about her curse. That was bad enough. Now, though, someone was using this curse against her in worse ways than Hattie had.

"It doesn't matter," Ella said, watching my face carefully.

"Yes it does matter. It matters very much," I said curtly, "It's cruel."

As cruel as what I'd possibly done to Nathaniel if he'd fallen in love with me.

I stopped shaking suddenly, and my heard turned cold; my blood to ice.


	10. Two Theories

"I'll be back. Stay right here," Ella commanded.

We were standing in front of a mansion.

I was breathless, excited, rather than depressed and crying, like I should have been. The last time I'd been here, I'd been with Nathaniel. This was where I was when I left him.

Ella disappeared into the house.

I waited. With any luck, Dame Olga, Hattie and Olive wouldn't be home. Hopefully they'd been gone long enough to not notice Ella's absence.

With a laugh I pictured them in the outback somewhere on the outskirts of Jenn riding crazed horses and screaming their heads off.

"Sasha!"

I jumped and came back to reality when Ella appeared next to me.

"They were out for the day!" Ella beamed, "Actually, they were supposed to be back by now, but they're not. Mandy's inside."

"Did you tell her I was here? Are you sure she'll know how? And she'll know how you got here?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Sasha, she's a _fairy_. Of course she'll know. And she'll know that you're here soon enough."

She pulled me along. We went down a fancy hall and into the same dingy room I'd disappeared from last time.

Mandy sat on the bed, wating expectantly when we entered.

It was so good to see her! I barely knew her, but I wanted to hug her. I beamed.

When she saw me, her eyes bulged and she did a double-take.

"Well that leans toward one theory," she muttered.

"What theory?" I asked.

"How did you get here?" she asked. The look on her face and the tone of her voice said that she already thought she knew the answer.

"I was hoping you could tell me."

She seemed surprised.

"You didn't do it?"

"Do what?"

She noticed Ella's dress and clean appearance.

"Ella!"

"Hmm?" She asked. She looked as confused as I felt. What did Mandy mean, I _didn't do it_?

Mandy cast a furtive glance in my direction again.

She frowned, "When you left here however long ago it was, you disappeared."

"Yeah. So? You're the one who put me back in New York City, right?"

I was confused and I couldn't see where she was going with this, nor why her expression still seemed stumped.

"Well that's just it, isn't it? I never did transport you back."

A shocked silence ensued. No one moved.

I was shocked, "_What_?" I asked, incredulously breaking the pause.

"I said I never transported you back to your own country. You were gone before I had the chance."

"H - how - how - is - that - _possible_?" I choked out.

"I don't know."

"Tell me what happened - the transition between the worlds this time."

I frowned.

"I don't _know_ how I got here!" I protested. I was feeling slightly hysterical.

"Yes, yes, I know. Only tell me what happened. You were in this New York City?"

"Yes!"

"And? What happened right before you got here?"

"I was just sweeping in Myra's kitchen and then I was in Frell and Ella was there and then we came here..."

"But you didn't do anything. You didn't... picture Frell or anything?"

"Well yeah, but-"

A smug look settled on Mandy's face.

"So you did imagine Kyrria. Did you, by any chance, imagine Ella there with you? Perhaps as a companion?"

I still didn't see where she was going with this.

"Well, I imagined I was in Kyrria - Frell - and it seemed so real so I imagined Ella with me and then she was and - and..."

I glanced at Mandy helplessly, "...and I don't know how or why it happened!"

Mandy sat back on her bed and looked meaningfully at Ella.

"Is it... possible?" Ella asked after a moment, joining our conversation and taking a step forward.

"I think it must be. I don't know of any other explanation that would make sense."

"But - she was from another world. She told me they didn't have any of that sort of thing there."

"I don't know, I don't know."

I felt confused, and didn't appriciate their leaving me out of the conversation.

"What are you talking about?" I asked.

They both jumped, as if they'd forgotten I was in the room.

"I have two theories, Sasha. At the moment, one seems more likely, though I don't see how either could be."

"What are they?" I asked eagerly.

"Possibly how you came to be here. And how you went back. And came back."

"What? What?"

Did she know? Really?

"One is that everyone from your world is magical when they come to Frell. Perhaps through some accident you ended up here in the first place. Perhaps there is someone from your world who decided to bring you here, back there, and here again. But I doubt it. I thought, a few minutes ago that that was the theory that made the most sense, when you said that you had nothing to do with your own coming here. But I think it's the other theory that's right."

Ella shook her head in a mystified manner, "I just don't see how it's possible, Mandy."

"Yes, I know I don't either." They both paused and looks of concentration covered their faces.

"What's the other one?" I asked eagerly. Mandy's first theory didn't seem that likely to me either.

"Lift up those things you're wearing," Mandy ordered, "And we can see if my theory is right or not." She motioned toward my overly-long jeans. They covered my feet.

"Okay..." I answered, confused.

I rolled up the cuffs and showed off my tiny sequined sneakers. They'd been a gift from Myra when I'd first arrived at her house. It had been a Welcome Home gift.

I heard two simultaneous gasps and laughed, looking down at the shoes, "Yeah, they were a gift from Myra. Pretty cool, huh?"

There was no answer. I looked at them. They both appeared to be overly-shocked.

I laughed again.

"Oh! You're probably freaking out because my feet are so small. They've always been like that though. It's nothing to worry about... Um, hello?"

Neither of them moved.

Mandy gasped, "I thought so... but... but..."

"This proves it," Ella whispered.

**aUtHoR's NoTe: Does anyone know where this is going?!?!?!? I've had this part planned out since the middle of From Here To Frell... !!! Think hard, :D Think about the mysterious fireworks, the transport, the ogre's reactions to her, the language thing...!** **Please review and tell me what you think!!!**


	11. Confusion

"Proves what?" I asked, after neither person spoke.

"My second theory," Mandy answered.

"Oh, thanks for making that so clear," I retorted sarcastically.

Ella smiled slightly and Mandy went on, "My second theory was that you yourself are a fairy."

A fairy.

A fairy?

A fairy.

Nope.

That couldn't be right.

A _fairy_?

"H - what makes you think that?" I choked out.

Ella bit her lip and eyed me doubtfully. It was Mandy that spoke, "Your feet, for one. Fairy's feet are small. Your feet are tiny. Your language: Ella had told me that at finishing school you were amazing at speaking Ayorthian."

I interrupted, "Yeah, but I didn't! I just talked and she said it was-"

"Exactly," Mandy interrupted me, "and do people in the place you were from even speak Kyrrian?"

"Um. No. They speak English. But what does this have to do with -"

"You must be a fairy. You must be responsible for your own transport here. There's no other likely explanation."

"_Likely_?" I retorted, "Likely _not_."

"It does seem that way... but... your feet..." Ella cut in.

"My feet? What do they have anything to do with anything?" Honestly. Mandy's crazy theory was getting more unlikely by the minute.

"Our feet are small. As small as yours. Only fairies and Friends of Fairies have feet that small," Mandy explained.

I shot her a dubious look.

"So _Ella'_s a fairy too now?"

They both laughed at that.

"Absolutely not. Her family are Friends of Faires. Well, her mother's side at any rate."

"What if-" I started, only to be interrupted by Mandy, "Have you ever made anything happen?"

"_Huh_?"

"Something you couldn't explain. Other than the transport here and how languistic you are, I mean."

"No! My life was perfectly normal until-"

But wait.

Wait. Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. Maybe that wasn't true.

_The fireworks. When Nathaniel kissed you!_ I thought.

Apparently my indesicion was evident on my face, for Mandy smiled a satisfied, smug smile.

I found it incredibly annoying.

"So - what - not that I believe I'm actually a - a _fairy_, but, what _exactly_ would being a fairy entail?" I asked.

Mandy's smile became softer, "Not much. You'll have to learn to use your magic responsibly, to not use Big Magic, to not harm anyone (including yourself). In short, to not end up like Lucinda."

I was instantly offended. Did she actually think that I would go around forcing people to obey others? Really?

"...you could probably join others and research the answers you must be craving," Mandy, continued, getting up, "Ella, the Dame and her daughters will be back soon. I'm surprised they're not back already. You don't want to get in trouble."

A confused and slightly hurt expression appeared on Ella's features, "Yes, but-"

"I'll take care of this."

The look intensified, but Ella left, nodding to me.

"Why-" I started, only to be interrupted by Mandy again, "I had to leave her out of this," she looked forlornly at the door, "Believe you me, if I had a choice, she'd be the most knowledgable non-fairy when it came to fairies that ever existed. I wish she knew the whole reason I could never take away her curse. I wish she could know the truth."

"_What?_ You _can_ take away her curse?"

"No. Not - listen, it will all be explained. Now." She looked at me closely and I felt the air arround me seem to shimmer and vibrate. I watched Dame Olga's mansion shiver and instantly change to a new scene. The view before my eyes changed so fast, I could hardly see anything transform. If it was possible that I'd somehow actually brought myself here twice and to New York City once, then I'd obviously been slow and inexperienced. Mandy's transportation method went so quick, that, had I blinked, I would have missed even the shiver of air.

I gasped in shock at the speed of it all and faced Mandy, "I thought you couldn't do 'Big Magic'. What was that if not HUGE magic?"

Mandy smiled slightly, "We can_ do_ big magic, but we choose not to. It has many risks."

"So _why_ are you suddenly going against the grain?"

"Because you are a new and unexperienced fairy. I will be able to transport myself back to the moment we left, even if I stayed here a thousand years. It's this type thing we like to avaid doing, because just _think_ of all the consequences that could have! Besides, I just proved you're a fairy. Humans can't get here."

"_What?"_ Was that possible?

"Where are we?" I demmanded.

I looked around. We appeared to be in a small clearing in the middle of the woods. I could just make out a small stone cottage within the cover of the trees.

"You are at Jemima's Cottage. She is an old friend of mine. Come along," Mandy commanded, and walked toward the cottage. I followed.

She marched right up to the cute little door, and I followed her more cautiously.

What was Jemima's Cottage? How was it possible that _humans couldn't get here_? Was that true? Did that really prove that I wasn't human? _Was I_ really not human?

My head spun. Nothing made sense. Everything Mandy had said, everything I was thinking, was giving me a headache. It was a lot to take in and I was overwhelmed.

I even managed to forget about Nathaniel for a while.


	12. Jemima

The wooden door swug open, bounced of the side of the cottage, and banged shut again.

Then it opened again, slightly slower, and not nearly as hard.

"_Who dares-_" began an ominous, low, scratchy voice. It almost hissed.

An old woman appeared in the door as the voice continued.

I flinched. I couldn't help it.

This "old woman" didn't look like a normal old woman. She looked like, years ago, she could have been the hag from _Sleeping Beauty_.

Her eligibility for the role in that movie had expired about 50 years ago. This "being" was more wrinkled. Filthier. She had less teeth. She was balding, with only three white hairs stuck to her bare scalp, a pitifule attempt to cover her shriveled skin.

She was doubled-over with age, and glaring at me spitefully.

The word 'spitefully' didn't seem to work in this description. It wasn't loathsome enough.

It was pure vindictive hatred emitting from her burning black eyes and searing my brain... or at least, attempting to sear it.

The old woman (for lack of a better word) noticed Mandy, who was smiling.

The hag's hatred vanished, and the old woman smiled a crooked, toothless smile in response before suddenly disappearing. In her place stood a beautiful woman who probably was only in her mid-twenties. She had flowing, gently waving black hair down to her waist. Her skin was perfect, absolutely acne-free. It was a beautiful chocolate-brown in color. Her deep brown eyes sparkled in excitement. She smiled radiantly.

I gasped in shock. Other than being transported, I'd never before seen any magical act, but there was no denying the magic in this transformation.

"Mandy!" the beautiful woman cried. Even her voice was beautiful. She ran up to and flung her arms around Mandy. She hopped from one foot to the other in jubilant exhileration.

"So nice to see you again!" she said after jumping back from the hug, "And what, may I ask, would the occation for such a visit be? I haven't seen you in... oh, at least fifty years! How have you _been_? What have you been _up to? Where_ have you been?" she continued firing away question after question without waiting for an answer, "And who is _this_?" she stared at me and took a step forward, finally stopping the flow of inquiries to wait for an answer.

"That, Jemima, is precisely why I'm here. Sasha, this is Jemima, Jemima, I'm hereby presenting you with Sasha."

"Sasha, hmmm?" She asked, her tone taking on a speculative edge that didn't quite seem to belong to such a beautiful, musical voice.

"Yes. I know it's been a while and I hate to ask you favors... I'd do it myself, but - you remember Eleanor, right?"

"Yes..."

"Well her great-great-grandaughter died, leaving her great-great-great-grandaughter with an idiot father, a horrific stepmother, a dim-witted step sister, another nasty stepsister, and me. She needs me Jemima, surely you could understand that. And, to make matters worse for the girl, Lucinda made her obidient at birth."

Jemima's politely listening face turned sour. She scrunched her flawless nose and pinched her perfectly-shaped eyebrows as she scowled.

On a face so divine, the expression looked almost comical.

"Oh, so you use that old trick against me, do you? You knew that would bring me around!" she accused angrily.

"Jemima, Jemima, of course not. I just felt I should tell you more about this girl, so you could understand why I need to stay with her instead of doing this."

_Doing this?_ Doing _wha_t exactly?

"Fine. Fine! You knew I would, after bringing up Lucinda..."

Mandy smiled and turned to me, "Well, then Sasha, I'll be seeing you - possibly."

She gave me hug.

"Wait! I don't get it. I don't know what's going on. You're just leaving me here?"

"Jemima will explain it all," Mandy said, her voice getting fainter.

A second later, she was gone.

I swiveled to stare at Jemima.

She stared right back at me, one eyebrow slightly lifted, her lips pursed as she examined me top to bottom.

"I'm always having to clean up after Lucinda..." she muttered, before abruptly turning away and going back into her cottage, tossing her hair as she disappeared through the doorway.

I wasn't sure what to do. Was I supposed to follow this eccentric, pulchritudinous woman? Why was I here, anyway? I didn't understand what connection this woman had to me, to Ella, to Mandy, or to Lucinda. I didn't understand what it was she was supposed to do with me. What had she agreed to, and why?

"Are you _coming_, or are you going to stay out there forever?" she called.

I wandered up to the slightly-opened door and took a hesitant step inside.

I felt my breath catch in my throat and my jaw drop.

The outside of this cottage looked boring and run-down, but the inside was magnificent. It was fifty times better then Dame Olga's had been.

It seemed so much bigger than it had from the outside. It was very, very open. All of the colors were light and bright.

There were barely anway divisionary objects, save for the outside walls, of course. In a normal home, different rooms would have been separated by doors and walls, whereas here, each section flowed into the other.

The floors were gleaming and different in each section. A grand spiral staircase wound it's way to a second floor where I could partially see and definitely hear a huge fountain.

A fireplace warmed a far corner of the "cottage", and in front of it lazed Jemima on a perfectly-white lounge chair. She watched me indifferently at first, but her face seemed to soften after a few seconds.

Then, quite suddenly, she was right next to me and beaming.

"What do you think?" she asked, her voice an excited squeak.

"W-wow..." was all I could do to answer. She beamed harder and she grinned, "The downstairs, of course, is off-limits. As is the fountain upstairs, and the guest suite. Oh, and of course my suite. Other than that, make yourself at home."

I was more confused than ever. I was invited in and then told I couldn't be there?

Jemima's face suddenly looked serious and business-like again.

"I mean it," she warned, "You'd better not do any decorating where I banned you from doing so. I worked extremely hard on designing this, you'd better not mess any of it up."

"So - you're banning me from the room, or from decorating in the room?"

"Decorating the room_**s**_, of course!" her voice took on an anxious edge.

Her personality seemed to constantly change; her moods drastically transformed in a hearbeat.

I admit that I was a little intimadated. But I refused to let it show.

"So who are you anyway?" I asked, "And why are you always 'cleaning up after Lucinda?"

She scowled again.

"Whatever you do, don't you _dare_ mention my bratty, selfish, spoiled sister's name in this house _ever again_!" she growled.

I was stunned out of speech.

Jemima was Lucinda's _sister_?!?

**Author's Note: Please review! And sorry I took so long on this chapter! I've really been trying to make Jemima's personality really pronounced, and I wanted her to have some of the same characteristics as Lucinda, to make it seem more evident that they were sisters. Do you like the direction this story is going in or not? Please review!!!**


	13. Maybe

"Your - your _sister_?!?" I asked incredously.

Jemima's face became even more hostile.

"Henceforth the - the - (she doesn't deserve to be called 'fairy') - the _witch_ doesn't exist. Got it? I don't care about any Lucinda and you don't either. Understand?" she asked, before her voice and features softened again, "Why, I don't even know any Lucinda!" She laughed.

"So... what am I here for then?" I asked, "What am I supposed to do?"

Jemima laughed.

"I'm here to train you, of course!"

"_Train_ me? For what?"

She laughed again.

"Well, you are a fairy after all - I'll train you not to hurt yourself, or others, of course! Train you to not use you magic by accident!"

"But this is rediculous! I don't even know if I am a fairy for sure! I mean- I don't - you'd think that's something I would know!"

Jemima stared at me in shock before bursting into a fit of giggles.

"Something you_ would know_?" she choked, "How could anyone _not_ know?"

"I don't!" I snapped, "I. Don't. Know. That. I'm. A. Fairy."

I felt like screaming. _Didn't she understand_? I was utterly clueless, this was a shock, I wasn't totally ready to believe this yet!

Then again, maybe I didn't seem as shocked as I supposed I should be. Maybe somewhere, deep down, I'd figured it out a while ago, I just hadn't put it into words in my head. Kind of like how I must have been aware - somewhere in my brain - that I'd loved Nathaniel. Only I hadn't figured it out until it was too late...

Jemima laughed, completey unperturbed, "If you're here, you're a fairy. You are in a very special part of fairyland. Only fairies can come to this place. Now sit down."

She motioned toward a fluffy pink chair that had suddenly appeared, and I sat. It was unbelievably comfortable. My body sank and floated at the same time while it caressed the contours of my body. My arm, which had been hurting, suddenly felt as good as new.

She sighed and muttered, "I can't believe Mandy convinced me to do this." She snapped her head in my direction, "First off, never, never, _never_ do any big magic." Her voice was stern.

"'Big magic'? How do figure - I don't - I mean - I don't know how to do _any_ magic, let alone 'big magic'! What even _is_ 'Big Magic'?"

"Big magic is any magic that could have a disastrous result. That has _any_ chance of a disastrous result."

"Wait so - you can do anything? Anything at all?"

Nathaniel's face popped into my head.

If I could do anything, then maybe, just maybe, I could be with him. Maybe I could control my transportation between Kyrria and New York.

Maybe.

Maybe I could avoid hurting him.

Maybe.

Jemima laughed again; somewhere in my subconciousness I realized that this fairy was incredibly unpredictable and.

"Of course - if you stay here. Should you put one toe into the human world, then you are to use _no_ magic. Ah, and humans aren't allowed to know about this place, so you shan't tell any - understand?"

"But even Mandy uses magic - doesn't she?"

She did.

"Yes - small, harmless magic. But you're a new fairy, so your judgement won't be the best. For now, we'll stay with _no magic_."

"Fine." I didn't mind. I didn't even know how to do any of it, and I didn't want it. The only thing I cared about was being able to _not_ do it. It had lost Myra her job. It had ruined my life. It had ruined Nathaniel's life - if he could possibly love me as much as I loved him. Perhaps it had ruined Ella's and Mandy's lives too. Perhaps, had I done something differently, or not been there, Ella wouldn't have run away from finishing school. Maybe Sir Peter and Dame Olga would have never married; maybe Hattie would not have been so terrible to Ella. The only good thing it had ever done was free my parents of their burden.

It felt as if some sort of whip had lashed across my chest; I gasped.

Jemima looked at me suspiciously.

For a long time I'd successfully driven the pain of my unwanted status away. Then that pain had been shadowed - no - it had disappeared in the shadow of a newer, greater pain. Before I thought that having parents who didn't love me was the worst thing in the world.

But there were people that had worse.

People with abusive parents.

People with no parents at all - or a Myra to take care of them, to love them.

I had been so selfish, so ignorant, so naive - could I really be past that now? Could I really be worthy of Nathaniel? And could I find him? If I was sure that I control whatever I could do, could I at least _find_ him?

Was I strong enough to stay away, though, if that was what he wanted? If he was married to another girl, would I be able to walk away and leave him to his life? If I knew I could transport back to him whenever I wanted, if I knew _how_, then would he be safe from me, if he wanted nothing to do with me? If he really did love me and I'd broken his heart, he wouldn't want me. Who would?

I sighed.

What to do?

"Just like that?" Jemima asked. I started. I had been so immersed in my own thoughts that I had no idea what she was talking about.

She was eyeing me suspiciously again.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You're just 'fine' with not doing any magic?" She sounded incredulous.

"Oh. Yes, I'm fine with it."

Her expression shifted into a softer, tender one.

"Oh, dearie, I know it's scary. But there's nothing to be frightened of. You see, as long as you're responsable with your magic, you won't hurt anybody. I..."

I tuned out her voice and let my thought wander again to Nathaniel and the pending choices...

**Author's Note: I am SO sorry I took so long to update. I've just been having a really busy summer, so I'm apologizing in advance for the wait for future chapters. I really hope I'll update soon, but starting Monday I've got volleyball and band practice... and it will be hectic... SORRY!!! Please review!!!**


	14. The Decision

_Nathaniel. Nathaniel, Nathaniel, Nathaniel._

It was a whisper, an echo in my head.

I couldn't get rid of it.

I'd been at Jemima's for two weeks, learning how to control magic. It was quite simple. All you had to do was picture yourself - or whatever you wanted to do - doing, wearing, or whatever it was you wanted in the first place. Then you had to feel it and want it, and it would happen.

That was all there was to it.

Apparently, I'm able to speak and understand any language effortlessly - the difficult part is figuring out what language I'm listening too, which means that I have to strain myself to listen to the - well, there's almost a shadowing sound, but you could hear it - and - it was difficult. That was the hardest part about the magic.

To do magic, one has to have an avid imagination.

Luckily, I've got one of those.

I still hated my magic - but it could come in handy, and I was very glad I was learning to control it, and that I knew what it was.

Transporting objects and people to you, or you to them, could be very difficult - (and fun) because you needed to have a presise memory of the details of whoever and whatever you're transporting or you would alter them in the transportation.

To do what Lucinda does all the time - to bestow a gift on someone - was something that Jemima refused to teach me.

"It only leads to unwanted trouble, pain, and heartbreak. And it's Big Magic, no matter where you are."

I also learned the only way a fairy could die - if another fairy pictures that fairy dead, wants it, feels it passionatly, and catches the victim-fairy unawares, like if he/she were sleeping, so that the unfortunate fairy can't block it.

(So you may think that fairy murders would happen every time one of them got angry. Perhaps you're thinking that Lucinda should have been murdered five times over - the reasons she, and most other fairies, have not been murdered, is that:

A. Most fairies are very discreet about their magic, and hate to use anything remotly "big".

B. If a fairy should committ something that cold-blooded, that fairy loses their powers forever.)

For there were ways to block enchantments, and reverse them too, but they were incredibly complicated.

I had a lot to learn.

But I didn't want to learn it - not without Nathaniel.

I now knew how to get to him, how to stay with him forever if I chose.

But what if he didn't want me anymore?

I'd had my own self-doubts, and now I felt that I could do it. That, though I hadn't been good enough for him _before_, that, if he should want me, I could be good enough for him _now_.

But the question remained whether or not_ he_ wanted _me_. I still didn't even know if he'd ever loved me.

Perhaps we'd been just friends to him, like I'd thought we'd been at the time.

Maybe he'd fallen for some other girl by now - I'd been away for long enough.

Probably he had.

Maybe they were already married.

Possibly they had children, and were deeply in love.

I'd thought of that a lot - and it never ceased to cause my heart to cry out in protest and ache unbearably.

How could I find him, and, should he not want me, leave again?

If he saw me, and I saw the recognition his eyes I probably would never be able to leave again.

But I had to! I mean, I had to find out.

I had to find out if he loved someone else, or if he just didn't want me anyway.

Maybe, if I could just _see _him, see him while he couldn't see me, I could see if he was married. If he was courting someone.

If he loved someone.

Maybe I could talk to him and find out - but no! NO! If I heard his voice I'd never be able to leave!

And, worse, if he recognized me, and thought me just a friend, he may want to talk to me.

And the longer I was obligated to stay, the harder it would be for me to leave again.

If only he wouldn't recognize me...!

But wait - that was it!

If he couldn't recognize me - what was I thinking! Of course I could make sure he wouldn't recognize me.

I was a _fairy_!

I could change myself and - I started to tremble.

Nothing was stopping me now, except some instinct that was buried deep inside me - the instinct to protect myself from more pain.

For, surely Nathaniel had found someone else by now. He was an amazing person. Any girl would be a total idiot not to have him if he wanted her.

And that meant that this was sure to be painful.

But, as I figured away to find out about how he felt towards me, I couldn't care enough to stop myself.

What if - I dare not hope, but hypothetically - if he hadn't met anyone yet - perhaps he was on the verge of it. Maybe, right this minute, a pretty girl was tripping. There! She could have just landed in Nathaniel's arms.

I could see it happening - the way his eyes would smile while his face remained expressionless.

I could see him helping her stand erect again.

He would bow. His sandy-colored, shaggy mop of hair would fall into his eyes, but he wouldn't pay it any mind.

She would be thanking him now - I felt a deep shudder convulse my entire body - and I abruptly stopped the image - just imagining him had hurt before, now it made me feel amazing. I was sure that, had I aches or pains anywhere in my body or a deadly disease, I would have felt well again.

But the thought of him with someone else - it hurt. It hurt so bad, I couldn't take it.

So this was sure to be painful.

Unbearably so.

But I had to do it.

I had to find out.

**Author's Note: Sorry, I know this is short, and, after waiting so long for updates, you guys deserve a super-long chapter but, alas, I felt that this was a good place to end this chapter. Please review!**


	15. Getting Rid Of Jemima

**Author's Note: Ugh, I hate making MORE excuses, but you've got to understand why it's taking me so long to update. When I get up in the morning, about 5:30a.m., I get ready for school and then I go to 1-Act Play practice until school starts. 10 minutes after school starts, I'm expected to be ready for volleyball practice and in the gym. Volleyball only gets out at five on Wednsdays and Pep Band Days - and we've still got to lift after practice - which takes over a half hour. On Wednsdays, as soon as I'm done with lifting, I have to make myself look presentable (Me after volleyball is not a pretty sight) and go to CCD until 8:00p.m. On nights that there is a home football game I have to play pep band for pre-game, (and have to get all my band stuff ready right after practice) work concessions for the first half of the game, and then play pep band during half-time. I don't have any study halls and I doubled up math (I'm taking geometry and Advanced Algebra this year), so when I get home I have to work on homework and then go to bed. On nights I have a volleyball game, we're required to stay for the varsity games so I never get home before 9:45, and usually not until about 10:30 or later. Then I go to bed and start over again. **

**Sorry if I'm boring you, but this is why I'm having trouble updating as often as I would like to. Please understand and don't get too bored with the sluggishness of my writing.**

**I'll see if I can make up for it by making this a longer chapter... And Nathaniel WILL BE IN THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!**

**Please Review! And thank you so much for sticking with me so long! Thanks!!!**

Jemima was downstairs; I wasn't sure what she was doing. If I tried to leave, surely she'd know. She must have some sort of a fairy-alarm system. Or probably she had a tracking spell on me - she did promise Mandy she'd take full responsibility for me, and I was postive that fairies didn't take that kind of thing lightly.

I knew that Jemima had cast an enchantment on her dwelling, as well as the immediate vicinity, so that no one could just appear or disappear and intrude upon her; so she'd have a warning when she had visitors, and she could keep out unwanted ones. That's why Mandy and me had appeared as far away from her as we did.

So how could I get past Jemima so that I could get past those boundries?

I would have to make up a good excuse.

Unless she was busy and I could sneak out...! That would have been perfect!

I sat up - almost leaped up - and walked - well, darted would probably be a more accurate word - out the door of my unbelievably large quartes - it was like having my own apartment - but each room was roughly the size of a high school gym (except the bathrooms and my reading room) and there were seventeen rooms like that. I decided not to add any more than seventeen, because I'd been seventeen when I'd first met Nathaniel.

But anyway, I made my way through room after room, almost flying and wishing the entire time that I hadn't been so extravagant in my decorating job and room-selection size.

Finally, finally! I made it to the fountain and stopped running. I paused for a second - but only just long enough for my breathing to return to normal and my heart to stop racing.

I trudged down the stairs at a normal speed - but I was internally dying at the slow speed of my feet.

Jemima appeared at the bottom of the staircase.

Her head was wrapped in a towel and her body was encased in the fluffiest robe and slippers the world ever saw or would ever see. She was swinging a back-scratcher and whistling.

Jemima had taken to my "Foreign Things!" with as much delight as a child does to Christmas.

I'd shown her a lot of stuff from my world, and she used them all the time.

She stopped whistling once she saw me.

"What's up?" she asked, and giggled. (She loved the way I talked sometimes, and demanded to know what each word/phrase of slang meant.)

I was extremely exasperated. Every second I spent making an excuse would be more seconds away from Nathaniel! Why, _why_ did she have to pop up _now_?!

"Well," I said, making sure to keep all my desperation out of my face and my voice, "I was thinking: Why not cloud-gaze for a while? I haven't done it in forever!"

I actually had only cloud-gazed once, when I was visiting my Grandma in Pennsylvania.

"Cloud gaze?" Jemima asked, totally enthusiastic.

But they could-gazed in Frell, didn't they? At least the kids?

"Yeah - where you lay on the ground and stare up at the clouds. You find pictures in them. Maybe one'll look like a frog, and then it'll look like a dog..."

Jemima grinned, "Ohhh! Sounds like fun! Let's go!"

_No!_ No! No, no, no, no no no nonononononononono!!!

"Are sure you want to? I mean, it's a long process. Usually you end up lying in the grass for hours - the clouds move really slow..."

"Yes! But of course we won't have to acually _lay in the grass_. We could make it much more comfortable!"

"But that ruins the experience!"

Jemima's brow puckered, "How?"

"You don't get the full effect."

"Oh. Well - I guess - hmmm. I _suppose_ I could lay in the grass. But don't you suppose it's - you know - _dirty_?"

"Oh yes. It's filthy and wet. It's quite disgusting."

Jemima frowned.

"Well - I suppose - if I found the right kind of outfit - I mean, it isn't as if I couldn't clean myself easily afterward, but still - the idea is slightly repulsive..."

Then I had an amazing idea! Probably the most amazing of all the ideas ever thought by me.

"Jemima! I have a brilliant idea! How about I transport you to New York for a few hours! You'd love it! And you could obviously come back whenever you want and... it would be so amazing!"

Jemima's face lit up; all thoughts of cloud-gazing gone.

"I was so hoping you would offer that - I wanted to ask if you would but I felt - and now - oh, _thank you_! I'm 'dying' to go there and find out the relationship between the two worlds!"

As Jemima was talking, fluffy pink trunks, suitcases, purses, carpet bags, duffel bags, and pretty much every type of bag that ever existed started piling up around us.

"I might be gone longer than a few hours, if you don't mind! Finding out what happened to a supposed non-existant being over a who-knows-how-time-period could take a while. I'll be back in three weeks! Practice what I've showed you and make yourself at home - but don't change any of my decor, or I'll be incredibly angry with you!"

I grinned. She'd be gone for _three weeks_! This was working out much better than I'd expected.

"Of course I don't mind! I'm really curious too! You'll need this though..."

And I closed my eyes. I wasn't good enough to make something apear without closing my eyes, unless it was something I _needed_. I pictured another purse, this one bulging with active credit cards and cash in Jemima's arms. I saw it. I felt it. I opened my eyes.

The bag was in her arms, but she was no longer wearing the robe. She was wearing a ruffled yellow mini-skirt with black leggings, stilletos, and a yellow halter over a black shirt. Her hair was very-natural-looking blonde and the top of it was pulled back into a huge bump on the top of her head. From her ears hung the biggest loops I'd ever seen.

She looked like she just stepped out of the magezine.

"Well done, Sasha!"

"Thanks! This is your money. I told you about money. There are credit cards too, which I also told you about. You remember, right?"

"Yes! Of course I remember! And I have all the bags stuffed with clothes out of those magezines you showed me!"

(I'd made magezines from New York appear - obviously.)

"Oh Sasha this is so exciting!"

"You may want to go slightly less conspicuous when you snoop around alone though."

"Of course I will! No worries!"

"Okay. Well then, see you in three weeks!"

"Yes! I will!"

I was still grinning when I closed my eyes again.

This time I let New York spring up before me. I made sure to very carefully make sure that I only felt like viewing this scene; I didn't want to go in it. I saw it - and it was like I was watching it through a screen - Like I was standing very close to a big-screen TV. Only it was clearer. And I could feel and smell New York - it only seemed to come through a filter first - or something. It was a very pevuliar sensation.

I flew threw the streets in my mind - dodging people, trucks, signs, and buildings, until I found a 5-star hotel.

I flew through the suddenly open door into the most fancy lobby I'd ever seen. It looked the lobbies my parents were in when they'd sent me pictures.

I flew behind the front desk and looked at the computer screen.

_**Jaramillo, Yanamaria and Miguel**_ were supposed to be checking in tonight. Probably they could afford somewhere else.

A second later, _**Jaramillo, Yanamaria and Miguel**_ became _**Laine, Jemima**_.

I couldn't make Jemima appear in the middle of a lobby - there were too many people around. I had to get them out of there somehow.

That's when I noticed the emergency sprinklers on the ceiling.

Nobody was looking. The manager was in the bathroom, so therer was nobody on the computer. I would feel bad ruining all the data, so I laid a tarp over the computer and papers.

Then I set the sprinklers off.

I felt the water spray down on the guests with a vengence. I made it pour in there.

People started screaming and running for the door. The manager came back in at the sound and stared, dumbfounded, for a second before yelling, "If everyone could just stay calm. Please exit in an orderly fashion. There seems to be a problem with the sprinklers in here - but the rest of the hotel is fine. Please go back to your rooms until we get this figure out."

The manager's voice of reason helped the people to calm down. The did as he said, even though quite a few of them were angry.

"... pants cost me $547.60!"

"...just wanted to relax and got soaked!"

"...never coming _here_ again."

"...lucky I don't want to spend money on a lawyer..."

Finally, they were all out! The manager was telling the last guest that he'd speak to maintenence immediatly. Then he was out of sight.

I smiled.

Instantly the sprinklers stopped. The furniture and floor dried. All the newspapers and documents and whatnot looked exactly as they had ten minutes ago.

Perhaps they were in better shape.

The tarp was gone from the computer.

The place sparkled.

Jemima and her pile of luggage appeared in the middle of the grand lobby.

Her face was one of pure rapture.

"Thanks you Sasha!" she whispered. She couldn't see me, but she knew that I could see and hear her.

Upstairs, the guests' clothes, bodies, and hair were drying. They felt hazy - they couldn't quite remember what had just happened. They had - _thought_ that they had been soaked, but they were perfectly dry. They couldn't really remember why they had left the lobby in the first place.

With a contented sigh I pulled myself out of the vision. It felt like I was pulling my head through the screen.

I gasped and opened my eyes.

I was at the bottom of Jemima's staircase again.

Jemima was no where in sight.

_I'd done it!_

Jemima was gone, and I was free to find Nathaniel.

With a deep breath, I took a step toward knowlege -

Knowledge that either would make me the happiest person alive...

or knowledge that would nearly kill me.


	16. disguise and NATHANIEL!

Nathaniel.

I closed my eyes.

This was it.

I was really going to do it.

I was really going to see him.

My body ached; I could feel the yearning burning through my veins, could feel it being pumped harder through them with every beat of my heart. I could feel it radiating from my veins to my skin and made it tingle wildly - my hands were vibrating.

I took a ragged deep breath.

I exhaled; slowly, slowly, slowly.

I closed my eyes.

Nathaniel.

This was going to be hard.

I had to picture him, and not want him to be near me.

It would help if I didn't picture all of him, and if I didn't picture him facing me.

But first, I had to disguise myself. If he saw me, he'd want to talk. We were, at least, friends enough that he would want to know where I disappeared to, and how I was back.

And, if he was happy with someone else, it would be that much harder to leave him again.

It would kill me.

I grabbed fistfulls of my hair and yanked them in front of my face. They were an ugly, dull, boring brown. Everyone had brown hair.

I wanted... hmmm. Did I want blonde hair? No, blonde didn't really match the way I was feeling. Black hair seemed more appropriate, but I was so pale, that if I gave myself black hair, I'd look dead.

Unless I changed my skin tone.

But I wasn't really in the mood for black hair.

I wanted something intense, to match the intense desire burning through me.

Red hair.

Wild, crazy, outrageous, intense, coiled, orange hair would be perfect.

Vaguely, some part of my mind remembered that I'd always wanted bright, carrot-top red hair.

Maybe it wasn't the most inconspicuous color, but it felt absolutely perfect.

So my stared burned into the brown.

A speck of red appeared in the middle of the roots of my hair. I couldn't see it, but I could sense it. It grew into a line along my roots and spilled over. It must have looked like someone had dumped some sort of orange paint over my head - only the color stuck to every strand of hair. I watched the red seep into the brown hair in my hands and overtake it quickly. It was a vived, crazy, bright orange.

It was perfect.

I shook it out. It was silky and smooth. It stopped slightly below my armpits.

I let it grow. I watched it lenghten until it was waist level.

I thickened it. Curled it. Gave it more volume. Gave myself some bangs.

My heart was beating faster, faster, faster.

My breathing was speeding too.

My eyes were next.

I didn't want any part of me to be recongnizable, so I had to change everything.

When I blinked again, they were a light, minty-green color.

I let my slightly smaller nose grow just a little - so that it was normal sized. I gave it just a little more point than it had.

My hands felt clammy.

I felt my cheek bones jump up a little so that they were higher and I probably looked older.

I lengthened my face a little more, then I added about two inches to my leg length, and another in my torso. I felt my back arch as it grew. It felt almost like stretching...

I let my arms grow and made my hands slimmer and longer, so that they were more feminine. I lengthened my fingernails too, of course. They were now well-refined, and pretty.

My hands weren't, but they_ felt_ like they were shaking and sweaty.

I drained some of the little color there was in my skin.

I sprinkled freckles across my nose and spilled them over onto my cheeks just a little bit.

A gave myself a plain, brown dress with plain, simple shoes.

I was disguised.

Nobody would recognized me.

Now.

Natheniel.

I was still aching with the desire to see him, but now I was also feeling something deeper, seeping into my bones. I want to say that it was delight, elation, exuberance, excstasy, exultance... but none of them began to cover it. It was so much more.

My heart was racing. I could hear it pounding in my ears, crushing my skull.

_Relax! Okay, that's not going to happen. At least_ breathe_!_

In and out. In and out.

I exhaled and inhaled - but it was more like gulping and gasping, like a shark on a blood-frenzy or a druggie with his stuff... I couldn't get enough. My breath was coming too fast and my heart was threatening to explode.

_Breathe!_

In and out. In and out.

And then my eyes painted his mop of shaggy hair. I forced myself not to think, not to take in what I was doing, or I'd bring him to myself, not me to him.

I was shaking uncontrollably, but I continued.

The image burst from my mind - I didn't have to think about it.

Suddenly, I saw him.

There he was!

It was his back, but it was him.

He was wearing clothes I'd never seen before.

The scene followed immediatly.

I was standing in a tiny village.

I barely took in my surroundings...

_He_ was leaning against a little cottage.

His hair was rustling in the gentle breeze.

He was talking to someone I couldn't see - the someone was obscured by Nathanilel's tall, muscular body.

He tilted his head to the side.

I was feeling - nothing.

It was like all emotion had exploded in me, and I was now numb.

I stumbled toward him.

My mind may have had no emotion, but it seemed my body did.

Tears poured from my eyes, obscuring my vision.

It was him!

It was really him!

He was really standing right there!

Then, feeling started to kick in again.

It was almost painful.

It felt like my heart was exploding.

I started to choke on my sobs of joy.

There he was!

He turned to see what it was he was hearing, and then, despite my lack of vision from my tears, I could see

who he was talking to.

It was a girl.

It was _the_ girl.

The girl I'd pictured Nathaniel meeting before I'd sent Jemima to New York.

Everything was crushing me, then.

It was overwhelming; something immense pushing against all sides of me, inside and out.

My heart included.

I think I tripped.

The last thing I was dimly aware of was the ground, coming toward me fast.

Then I knew nothing.

**Author's Note: Please Review! :D I hope you liked this, and if you didn't like the end of this chapter, then you'll probably like the next! (I hope.)**


	17. Floating and Falling

Nathaniel.

I felt like I was strangley disconnected from my body. Like I was left drifting. And I'd drifted miles away from anything physically _there_.

The only thing I had to cling to was that name: Nathaniel. But the named seemed empty; it didn't have a value.

It was just a name.

I was only thought; no emotion, no feeling, no heartbeat, no breathing...

There it was again!

That time I was sure I'd heard it: Nathaniel's voice.

I knew it was his voice, though I didn't know how I knew that or who he was.

It sounded like he was calling from a very long distance away.

But it was probably my imagination getting the better of me.

Who was he?

Why would he be calling me?

I heard it agian.

But Nathaniel was in Kyrria... wasn't he?

How did I know that?

I was -

Where was I?

And what was he saying?

I tried to think.

I tried to remember.

I tried to concentrate.

All to no avail.

I just couldn't remember.

I couldn't concentrate.

I couldn't really think very hard either.

Nor did I want to.

Something, something was nagging me.

Something, something, in the very back of my mind.

I couldn't quite call it to the front.

Something important.

But I couldn't remember what it was.

And it didn't seem to bother me.

I vaguely wondered why.

But mostly I just calmly floated around until the feeling that I might be forgetting something changed into the feeling that I was forgetting something vitally important.

The feeling kept nagging me and nagging me until I began to panic.

Strangely, even my panic seemed surreal and distant. But the question remained;

_Why couldn't I remember?_

_What_ couldn't I remember?

"Miss!"

There! I heard it again!

It was Nathaniel's voice all right.

Somewhere far away, I felt my lips curve into a smile.

But why was I hearing Nathaniel's voice?

How did I know that the voice belonged to a Nathaniel?

No matter, it didn't really make a difference. I was hearing it, and that was enough for me to be exultant.

But I couldn't remember _why_ hearing this gravely voice would make me so ecstatic.

"...yoU HEar..." That was strange. Whatever was said before and after 'You Hear' was to distant for me to discipher, but the 'oo' in 'you' and the 'he' in 'hear' was perfectly clear and loud enough.

It had sounded like someone was talking on the radio. It would have to be one of those old radios with the volume dial. You'd had the volume all the way down. Then, suddenly, you turned it all the way up and all the way back down.

I wondered what he was trying to say.

Whatever was nagging me was starting to get annoying... from a distance. Like I was only dimly annoyed. Or I was greatly annoyed, but far away. What a strange feeling! How difficult it is to describe...

There had to be a way to remember what I was forgetting.

First of all: Where was I?

2nd: How did I get here?

3rd: Who was Nathaniel?

Well, before this I'd been... I'd been... Ugh! I couldn't remember that either! But I remembered Nathaniel. The name. I remembered that he was in Kyrria. I'm from New York. But I don't think I'm there anymore... So how did I get here? Where am I? I - I went to Kyrria... somehow. Then, in Kyrria, I must have met Nathaniel...

Then I remembered.

It all flooded back into my mind and I tried to push it back out.

I didn't want to remember!

But it felt like an iron bar was looped across my forehead (...forehead? How could that be? I don't have a forehead anymore!) and was dragging me down, down, down. But where?

It was dragging me faster, delving me further into the memories I didn't want.

Painful memories.

I could see everything now, all the memories flooding my brain.

Hattie, Olive, Ella, Mandy, Myra, Jemima, Gabby, Mom, and Dad - their faces flashed before my eyes.

Maybe I was dying.

They say that your life flashes before your eyes when you die.

But this wasn't what I imagined dying to feel like.

I was hurtling faster and faster, I felt myself solidifying, gaining body back.

The first time I'd landed in Frell, the finishing school, the garden, the forest, the ogres, the fireworks...

The kiss, the beloved kiss!

I was going further, a sense a dread befell me, though I didn't know why.

I could feel something closing in on me...

Suddenly, I knew.

I hit the most painful memory of all.

Nathaniel.

Nathaniel!

I'd loved him, I'd left him, I'd missed him, I'd gone back to him...

He was happy now, I'd seen him with _her_. The girl. And I couldn't hate her, because Nathaniel loved her.

I almost smiled.

That was so very, very much a lie.

Oh, but I _could_! I did hate her! I was so jelous! Jelous of her unselfishness, of her claim to Nathaniel's love, of her normal life, of - of everything!

And then all hurtling, delving, and memories stopped.

I had a full body again.

I felt normal, but shaken, sweaty, gross. I could feel my tear-stained cheeks, my swollen throat, my spinning head.

I gasped and opened my eyes, only to catch my breath in awed surprise.

For Nathaniel's face wasn't a foot away from mine.

He stared into my eyes, his brow furrowed in a worried frown.

**Author's Note: Please remember that Sasha has a tendancy to jump to conclusions... and PLEASE REVIEW!!!**

**Muchas gracias!**

**~Jade**


	18. Shedding Disguise

I gasped.

He was so close.

I could see each individual strand of his hair. I could count the pores on his face as they flickered in and out of illumination in the candlelight.

"Are you alright?" he asked, and I watched his atom's apple bobbing up and down in tune with his deep, gravely voice.

Of course he would be concerned about my welfare; me, a perfect stranger to him, was also worth a lot to him. That's the kind of person he was.

I could only gape.

I wanted to throw myself into his arms and stay there.

But he didn't know me.

And he had someone else.

"What do you think?" I asked indignantly. I was sure my pain was displayed on my face; plus, if I looked fine, would he wouldn't be sitting on the edge of my bed, leaning over me, asking me if I was okay!

I meant to shut my eyes tightly, to block out the painful image, but I couldn't.

Maybe my love for him was obvious in my face; a look of confusement crossed his face and he asked, "Do I - er - know you?"

_Yes! Yes, yes, yes!_ I wanted the world to know, I wanted to yell, shout it, scream it!

But I didn't.

I tried unsuccessfully to swallow the burning lump in my throat.

I shook my head.

"Oh," he muttered, "Sorry. I just thought... but never mind."

I didn't trust myself. If I opened my mouth and unclenched my teeth, I'd probably scream and sob and through myself at him. So I didn't say (or do) anything.

"Are you... alright then?"

I nodded.

I took a deep, rattling breath.

He looked unconvinced.

"I'm okay. Really. How long was I unconcious?"

I was lying on a typical Kyrrian bed. Nathaniel was standing over me. I looked around. We were in a tiny little room. It was pitch black, but for the lone candle burning on a wooded stool near my head.

"But you thought... what?" I whispered.

His eyes suddenly lit up.

"Nothing. I guess I just... never mind."

I sat up, and he leaned back with me. Our faces were still very close.

"Tell me," I ordered.

He looked surprised.

Shoot. I was acting too much like myself! Was anybody this forward in Kyrria, at least aside from me? No! And I still talked different too, so that could be a tip-off!

Of course, there was no way he'd be able to figure out that it was me...

"I just - you just - er - reminded me of someone," he whispered.

My breath caught in my throat.

"Who?" I choked out.

"It doesn't matter. She's gone. I'll probably never see her again."

Was I imagining the bitter tone to his voice? The underlying sadness? Maybe I was. Probably I was.

But I still couldn't suppress the hope that ignited deep inside me.

I would cherish this moment for the rest of my life.

"She - did she mean a lot to you?"

He looked away.

"Yeah," he said gruffly.

My heart pounded.

"Don't you have a girlfriend?"

His head snapped around as he looked at me sharply. Ugh! 'Girlfriend' was not exactly a commonly-used word here. I had to watch myself! I sucked at this!

"I mean - aren't you courting someone? Or was this girl your sister, or...?"

"No. I'm not courting anyone. Why?"

"Just wondering. No. Actually, I saw you with this girl..." I couldn't stop my voice from shaking.

My heart was about to explode. Here I was, talking to _Nathaniel_!

He looked a little confused, and I watched as comprehension dawned on him.

"Oh. Did she have blonde hair?"

"Yeah."

"I only met her shortly before meeting you. She tripped and I caught her. I don't know her. If you don't mind telling me, why do you care so much?"

"I don't. I was only - curious."

"Oh. I see."

"So you - er - don't - I mean, aren't dating anyone?"

"No. You know, you really remind me of that maiden. I've never met anyone like her before."

"You said she meant a lot to you?"

"Yeah."

"Did you..."

And I wanted to ask him so bad, whether he loved me or not, I needed to know, but I couldn't bring myself to ask the question.

"What? Did I what?"

"Did you... love her?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away.

I didn't think he'd answer. Why should he tell me, a perfect stranger, the answer to such an personal question?

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

I opened my eyes and turned to stare at him in astonishment, only to meet his face, only inches away from mine.

He intently stared deep into my eyes, as if trying to figure something out.

"She loved you too," I choked as I met his gaze and stared, equally transfixed, right back into his eyes.

I couldn't move, even if I'd wanted to.

His face barely showed any surprise. Only satisfaction, as if he'd been proved right.

"Why'd she leave then?" he asked, his voice hard as if in anger. His eyes glinted.

"She didn't realize how much she loved you until she didn't have you anymore. It nearly killed her," I whispered.

Silence.

Utter, echoing silence.

"Sasha?" he whispered after a pause.

"_Yes!_"

And I thrust my face onto his and shut my eyes, as I did, I felt myself shed my disguise.

And then we were kissing.

His hand snaked its way through my hair and pressed my face harder into his.

His other arm wrapped itself around my back and hugged me to him.

My arms snaked their way around his neck and I hugged his body to mine.

I pulled away to breathe.

My breath came in ragged gasps.

And I pressed my face forward to kiss him again.


	19. Good Morning

I was unbelievably, supremely, blissfully exultant.

My head rested on Nathaniel's chest, his arm hugged me to him, and our hands were entwined. We lay side-by-side, with me half on top of him and only a thin blanket to separate us from the the damp, crushed grass. The long grass of the hills surrounded us, shielding us from anyone that might be passing by. We weren't very far from the cabin that had held our beloved reunion.

Nathaniel slept soundly, a slight smile on his unconscious face.

My small hands were totally lost in his large, rough, scarred hands, and it felt more incredibly wonderful than I can describe.

The first rays of sunlight were just reaching the horizon.

I watched the sun breathe light into everything, first far away, and then, ever so slowly, I watched as its touch slowly gained ground and illuminated each blade of grass on its way toward us.

I felt more at peace than I would have ever thought possible.

Nathaniel was here. Nathaniel was with me. I was with him.

Forever.

I couldn't let our being together end.

Ever.

We were absolutely meant to never leave each others side.

I couldn't believe my own stupidity in giving this up, in not realizing the chemistry we'd had until it was too late - and what kind of person doesn't even know they love someone until that someone is gone? Me, that's who. That's why I'd left.

It had been the biggest mistake of my life.

But were together now, and I am all the wiser in that regard.

I couldn't take my eyes off his sleeping form.

I watched his chest rise and fall with his steady breathing.

I could hear his rhythmically inhaling and exhaling.

A light breeze ruffled our hair, causing mine to blow into his face.

His eyes fluttered open.

I lifted my head and rolled onto my elbows so that my face was directly over his, inches away, and my hair created a curtain around our heads.

He stared at me, confused, almost unbelieving.

"Sasha?" he murmured.

I felt an unbelievably happy grin spread over my face quite without my consciously grinning.

"Yes. I'm here."

How amazing it was to be able to say that to him!

Unbid tears flooded my eyes and threatened to overflow them.

His eyes lit up as he grinned. I could feel his breath on my face.

"I - I thought it was a dream."

"Well it wasn't. I'm here. For real."

Yes. Yes, I was. And I was never, NEVER going to leave again!!!

"Yeah." He squeezed my hand.

"I just can't believe it's really you."

"It is." And I couldn't keep the ecstasy out of my voice; could barely keep myself from running in circles and jumping up down shouting my liberation to the world.

So there we lay, watching the rest of the sunrise together, delighting in each other's company, listening to the world wake up, not wanting such a prodigious moment to end.

Of course, as is always the case, everything has to end some time.

We could hear the village waking up. Somewhere in the distance a baby started crying, a child laughed, and a door slammed.

The aroma of a variety of breakfasts being made wafted through open windows.

Nathaniel was the first to sigh at a particularly loud rumble of his stomach, to admit, "I am rather hungry. Shall we go get something to eat?"

It was my turn for a long, heartfelt sigh.

"I suppose so."

But I didn't want to. I wanted to stay here forever, so, to prolong the moment of the inevitable, I started to get up ever so slowly.

He got up with me, equally as reluctant.

We didn't let our hands slip the slightest bit away from each other.

I rolled onto my toes and he lowered his face to mine in a long and romantic kiss.

"Good morning," He whispered, pulling away ever so slightly.

**Author's Note: Sorry this so short! Review please! Thanks for sticking with me so long!  
**


	20. A Proposal in the Forest

"So what now?" he asked after awhile. We were perched, still hand-in-hand, on an ancient, rotting log, deep in the woods, away from prying eyes.

"What do you mean, 'What now?'" I asked frantically, "We're together! Forever!"

"Really?" he asked, and stared intently into my eyes.

"Yes! Of course! Don't you want me?!" I stared back into his, startled and suddenly deathly afraid. My breath caught.

He smiled slightly, his gaze never wandering from their insight into my soul as he glimpsed my fears.

"Yes. I do. I want you forever. I love you, Sasha! I only meant, do you really want me? You really are staying forever this time? You will not want to leave again? What about your family? Your friend? Your life before?"

"I don't care! I would give it all up for you!" And as soon as the words left me, I knew them to be true. I'd do anything for him. Suffer terribly, even die if for him, should it be neccessary!

His smile widened, but his eyes never lost their faraway, sad look.

I wondered what he was thinking. He looked as if he knew something and accepted it. But whatever this something was, it obviously filled with a terrible, heart-wrenching sorrow.

And that's when I heard the six words that had the potential to ruin my life.

"But I don't want you to."

I gasped. Was this really happening? After all we'd been through, he didn't want to be with me?! But he'd just said he loved me!

My heart thudded painfully against my ribs. My breath came faster and faster and tears burned my eyes.

Nathaniel noticed my distress.

"Sasha! Sasha, whatever is the matter?"

He put his strong arms around me and held me to him.

My slim shoulder fit perfectly in his big, beefy hands; my head fit comfortably in the contours of his chest. I felt his hard muscles tense.

"So you - you don't want me to stay?" I couldn't help it - my question came out as little more than a squeak. Very unromantic and unattractive. But Nathaniel only chucked and pulled me closer to him.

"Silly Sasha! That's not what I meant at all. I only meant that I do not want you to have to give it all up - not for me."

His arm moved slightly and I felt his fingers caress my face, and wipe the tears away.

I wanted to crane my neck back, look into his eyes, and determine for myself if this was true or not, but I couldn't. Instead of moving, I closed my eyes. His strong, muscular embrace - my head on his chest - our togetherness just felt too staggeringly phenomenal, it was surreal. I'd missed him so supremely! I felt like a little kid, curled up in her Daddy's lap. I knew that Nathaniel could take care of me if I needed him to, and right then, I did need him to take care of me; to hold me tight.

I couldn't bring myself to answer. My voice had stopped working. I felt so good! So very, very, good! Better than I'd ever felt before!

Of course, I'd had boyfriends before, felt passion, even thought I was in love, but I hadn't felt like this - ever! I hadn't thought it possible. It was so much better than true love is acclaimed to be. My heart felt so swollen, it was liable to burst at any moment. It hurt. It was having trouble dealing with as much love as that which I felt for Nathaniel.

After awhile, he sighed.

"So many questions I have for you! How did you manage to disguise yourself so completely? Why did you do it? Did you find a fairy somewhere or something? How long have you been in Frell? How - well, I guess I'll let you answer those first," he finished, a bit sheepishly.

"Sasha?" he asked, when I still didn't reply.

"Hmmm...?" I managed to get out, "Nathaniel."

"Yes."

"You really love me?"

"Yes! And you me?" And, despite his apparent bravado and confidence, his voice wavered a little.

I was shocked that he would have to ask something like that, but I didn't move.

"Of course! I'm here aren't I? Last night happened, didn't it? Nathaniel, I love you so much, it hurts!"

"Yes. The feeling is mutual, and extremely excruciating."

His fingers ran through my hair and tousled it playfully.

"Then I don't have to give anything up. Nathaniel, I'm a fairy."

_Might as well come right out with the truth_, I thought, _and never mind the consequences._

He pulled back abruptly.

I was left feeling utterly bereft and abandoned, even though only his torso moved away, and our hands remained interlaced.

"A _what_?" he asked, his voice breathless with shock, "_You_?"

I laughed, cautiously, shakily, and quietly.

Everything seemed so insecure.

Would he hate me now that he knew?

What reasons would he possibly have for any abhorrence?

"Yeah. Can you believe it? Me!"

I examined his face anxiously, but couldn't make out anything other than extreme surprise written there.

He didn't answer, only stared back at me.

"Nathaniel?"

Still, his lips didn't move to form a reply.

"It's good, that I'm a fairy." And I knew immediately that this was true, "If I wasn't one, I would never have met you, fell in love with you! I'd have never come to Frell, never have found a way back!"

"Yes. I suppose that is true," he said slowly, his face suddenly extremely thoughtful, and his words coming fast and intense, "and it makes sense. After all, you could speak Orgress and Ayorthian. And those loud colored lights from your world that appeared after our first kiss. Yes. It makes sense. I suppose I shouldn't be shocked. I knew you weren't an ordinary maiden from the moment we met that night in the garden. It was obvious that you were more. Much more. I shouldn't be surprised. I suppose that what I'm most surprised about is the fact that you are something from my world. A fairy! It is so hard to believe! You may recall telling me about superheros in your world. I think I would be better able to believe that you were a superhero than a mere fairy. Yet it's still so incredible!"

"Superheros aren't real," I explained earnestly, "and in my world, we don't even have faries. But Nathaniel! I could show you!"

And as the realization hit me, I started bouncing up and down and could practically feel my eyes shining.

"Nathaniel! I could take you to my world! You could meet Myra! And - and everybody! I could show you everything! And then we could come back and be together forever and ever! We could bring Myra here and everything!"

He seemed to be paying little attention to what I had to say, despite the importance I felt for it. His face had a look of concentration on it - like he was figuring something out.

Maybe he was finally accepting that _we_ were possible. That we could be together.

And his gaze burned into mine.

"Then marry me Sasha! Marry me! You have to! Never leave again! Marry me!"

His voice was coarse and harsh and low and fast and I -

My breath stopped altogether and my heart thudded so quickly and violently, I wouldn't have been the least bit surprised if it had drilled its way through my chest. Tears sprung into my eyes and I started to shake so violently, I couldn't respond. I was too shocked, too thrilled, too overwhelmed! I could breathe then, but it was extremely difficult, and with each breath, my chest caved in with every breath as I gulped in as much air as my lungs could possibly hold.

He seemed to regain his composture as I lost more and more of my own.

"I - I am sorry. I - please forgive my forwardness. It was uncalled for. Please, do let me do this the right way. I am sorry I have no ring."

And then Nathaniel - Nathaniel got down on one knee. He reached for my right hand. It was lost in both of his. He raised it to his lips and kissed it tenderly. At that moment, I think my body ran out of responses. So I felt as if I were watching it happen. It was as if I were a third party, observing this romantic moment in the middle of a forest in another world, as far as possible from the world with its problems and the closest possible thing to a fairy tale.

"Sasha. Sasha of Frell, will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?"


End file.
